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ABOUT THE BOOK |
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ABOUT THE BOOK |
"This is an important book. As both an educator and parent, I found Why Boys Don't Talk and Why We Care to be a profound `wake-up' call." --Lee Canter, author of Assertive Discipline
There is a nationwide crisis among boys. "Violence has become one of the very few means by which boys feel they can express their emotions," note respected teen experts Susan Morris Shaffer and Linda Perlman Gordon, LCSW-C, M.Ed. "We have seen evidence of this in the rapid escalation of shootings in our schools and in our homes. When boys lack the full range of affiliations and emotional expressiveness, they often turn to competitive models defined by winning or losing. By allowing competition to be one of the few acceptable models of expression of emotion, parents and educators undercut boys' ability to succeed in a variety of areas. In addition, boys begin to think of themselves as `winners or losers,' and those who are labeled as `losers' can become dangerous to themselves and others."
In Why Boys Don't Talk and Why We Care: A Mothers Guide to Connection, Ms Shaffer and Ms. Gordon address the harsh realities and societal pressures facing teenage boys today, and provide parents from a wide variety of cultures with essential suggestions on how to maintain emotional connections with their sons. They interviewed teenage boys and girls, mothers, fathers, coaches, counselors, teachers, and psychologists to outline issues. From these findings, they provide strategies for parents, and identify resources for increasing the ways in which boys can both stay connected and become men.
Shaffer and Gordon are both mothers of teenage boys and professionals in the fields of gender and adolescent issues. Ms. Shaffer is nationally recognized for her work in the development of technical assistance and training programs on educational equity and gender-related issues. Ms. Gordon is a clinical social worker and a trained mediator who has taught seminars about divorce and blended families, trained seminar leaders, and developed programs concerning children's mental health.
"It has become increasingly apparent to those of us in education and mental health that the range of acceptable outlets for boys is much narrower than it is for girls. As parents, our challenge is to reach boys in a way that is compatible with their need to save face, while encouraging growth and creating connections. We have to learn to `get' to boys in such a way that they will actually hear us.
"When boys don't talk, it is a way of protecting and preserving themselves. It should not be interpreted as disinterest or a lack of need for emotional involvement. On the contrary, boys want and need emotional closeness with their parents Ä and in particular, with their mothers. Society pressures mothers into pushing away their sons for fear that their children may otherwise become dependent and enmeshed. Becoming a man is understood as becoming autonomous, self-sufficient, independent, and of course, separate. This may be achieved at the expense of learning how to stay connected with others, be intimate, participate in family responsibilities, and create a community.
Why Boys Don't Talk and Why We Care: A Mothers Guide to Connection provides parents with the confidence to find their own voice, trust their instincts, and maintain emotional connections with their sons. Ms. Shaffer and Ms. Gordon offer invaluable advice on ways to connect with boys, including how to:
Filled with helpful exercises, cutting edge research, and insightful stories told by boys and their families, WHY BOYS DON'T TALK AND WHY WE CARE is a user-friendly resource for parents, educators, mental health professionals, and anyone interested in learning how to crack the shell surrounding adolescent boys.